In this episode, Gina has a conversation with Mary Felch MFT, Expressive Art Therapist and Life Coach. Mary shares her story, journey of healing and gives her perspective on the rise of anxiety & depression in this season.
Check out Mary Felch’s Website Maryfelch.com
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Listen below starting at 18:16
The Importance of Christian Psychology
Gina:
A lot of people who have a hard past and go through stuff do end up kind of going down the road of psychology and mental health. Can you share that journey? What made you decide to become a therapist?
Mary:
It was a lot of things, but I did feel drawn to it, and I felt that I had the gift of encouragement. So I wanted to use that gift. I also had a burning passion to help someone with what I’ve been through.
I’m really not a good go to school person, but with that belief that I could someday help someone who was in the very situation I had been in, if I had the right tools, I could help them. I thought, “Oh my gosh, that’s worth it.” It was a long, slow educational process, because I was a mom and a wife, and I worked as a hairdresser.
I got my way through school four and a half years to get my AA, and another four years to finish my BA, and then I got to go full time as I went to my master’s program, which was the best at a Christian university, and learn to really combine my faith with what I had learned about psychology, and write papers on that and have to grapple with that.
Where’s the truth? And just realizing that the Bible is full of really good therapy, whatsoever is pure, lovely, excellent, and praiseworthy; think about these things. Well, that’s really good therapy.
Gina:
Jesus is a very emotionally healthy leader. He has so much empathy, so much patience. He’s quick to listen, slow to speak, and then when he does speak, it’s powerful.
Mary:
He’s full of truth and grace; both of which we need.
Gina:
So how did you reconcile that feeling of being young and sitting in church, and having the pastor condemning the very thing that was starting to bring you some semblance of order in your life? How did you reconcile your faith in some circles that were kind of criticizing what you needed to to make progress, and what you needed for healing?
Like, how did you reconcile those two? And so, when you got to your master’s program, you actually found that place of seeing God. And we go to medical doctors for a broken leg, I go to a doctor if I have cancer.
We’ve learned that God’s given us knowledge for advancement in the medical field, but mental and emotional health has been an area that people have a hard time with. I think the world in general is coming around to that.
The church is always kind of late to the party with some of that stuff, and they’re coming around to that. So, this was several years ago that you were kind of in the middle of that, and had to come to that reconciliation yourself. What was that journey like?
Mary:
Well, I was very blessed in that the first therapist I had was a Christian. In fact, each of them have been. So that helped the battle in my mind of, “Is this really a good idea?” I knew he was a solid Christian, and I just figured some people don’t understand.
So the pastor who was talking probably just didn’t know this side of things, even though he was great at other things. I just had to trust that he was a Christian. I trusted his faith. I searched the Scriptures and couldn’t find anything against it. In fact, there’s a lot of Scriptures that support counseling.
I could understand the importance of seeing a Christian therapist though, because they do have some ability to influence. So I wanted someone with ethics, morals. and faith I trusted. Not that I knew how to trust, but you know what I’m getting at. So that really helped.
Navigating Anxiety in Uncertain Times
Gina:
That’s good. So again, we’re in the beginning of 2021, and 2020 was crazy. Like we alluded to earlier, people who’ve never experienced anxiety or fear, or depression are struggling with it for the first time.
People who do have a history of that are really struggling. Suicide rates are up. Drug use is up. There’s just a lot going on. So you are a therapist now. and you’ve still been practicing, but now online. What are you seeing? Let’s start there.
Mary:
Well, I was talking to someone about this recently, how we feel like Covid is like a buzz in the background of life that is a stress, but it’s just a buzz. And the reality is, it’s like a roar in the background. We know all these horrible things that are happening, and we bear the weight of that, even if it’s not happening to us.
So we see it on the news if we watch the news, or we don’t watch the news and we’re hiding from the news. That is all in addition to other stresses. I do see a lot of people who’ve never had anxiety before that are now having anxiety and they’re making phone calls and they are not sure what therapy is, but someone suggested it was a good idea.
They’re having a hard time breathing and they’re having a hard time getting through the daily tasks of life. I think a lot of us were just trying to tread water through 2020. The hopes of 2021, we have a lot of hope.
Gina:
I love that analogy of the buzz in the background, like white noise. Because if you’ve ever been someplace like an airplane even, there’s a lot of noise when you’re on an airplane, and you kind of eventually don’t realize it’s there until you get off the airplane, you know?
Or like the Nam show, it’s a big music trade show, and you go and the noise level is deafening almost, but when you’re there, you go through the day, and before you know it, you’re not even thinking about it. But as soon as you walk out the doors, the silence is overwhelming. You physically feel the weight leave.
That’s a really great way to describe the undercurrent in 2020. There’s just this constant weight, this constant pressure that even if we’re not at this moment worried about something, maybe I don’t have a job that is in jeopardy, or maybe for all intents and purposes, I’m doing okay regardless, but there’s still that noise that is not letting go. And it just takes its toll.
Mary:
And the typical things we do to help ourselves with stress are taken from us. For a while there, even the beaches were closed. I mean, now you can go to the beach, but don’t gather in groups. And going to church, the things that brought us comfort every week, and being able to sing together, we are just not there.
So, we have to find other ways to take care of our hearts, our minds, and our spirits. This is what I talk to a lot with people about, self care. What are you doing for you? What are you doing to not feel as isolated as we sometimes feel? How are you connecting with others? Are you connecting with yourself?
And how are you letting your connection with yourself connect with God in the quietness? A lot of people are on their own cases, mad at themselves for not doing more even though I have all this time. It’s a lot to have this buzz or this roar of Covid, and it is a hard season to get through, so don’t be hard on yourself. If I can say anything.
Gina:
Have grace for yourself. That’s true. It’s like you kind of carry the “I should be doing more.” I think it’s compounded by the fact that our society right now doesn’t know how to be still. We don’t know how to be quiet. I’ve been getting frustrated with myself that as soon as I sit down, I grab my phone to look at email, to look at Instagram. I struggle with stopping, without looking at something, or hearing something.
Mary:
Yeah. Just to sit and breathe is an exercise.
Self-Care in Christianity
Gina:
How does your faith, and your relationship with Jesus integrate with self-care?
Mary:
I believe in routines and patterns of life, and having a new year is always a new time. I bring it up with my clients. What do you want to be your new pattern of life or your new routine? What things do you want to add into your day that help you have the disciplines of having a consistent walk with the Lord?
As much as we can have consistency in this world. I love getting up early in the morning. I love getting up before the sun is up and watching it rise as I just sit, read the Scriptures and think about God and try to talk to Him and try to listen. Physical activity is good for me, it keeps my mind doing well.
I love doing Yoga, and I do it at my home now because of Covid. I also have an elliptical, and I just like doing that. I find it helps me feel more connected to my body. Many survivors of trauma have a hard time being in their body and being connected to their body. I do find that if I can be present in my body, it’s easier to be present with others, and even to notice the presence of God.
Gina:
Yeah. That’s good. I would love for you to unpack yoga a little bit. I know it’s controversial and there’s some people in the church that are super scared of it. So I would love for you to unpack that a little bit and how you found that balance.
Mary:
The same thing with mindfulness. I’m not stuck on words, so you don’t have to use the word yoga. You can just use stretching. But there are certain stretches you can make which help you breathe better. And if you do them in a pattern with other moves, it can help you feel a bit of stretching throughout your whole body, and just more relaxed when you’re done.
You can really take a deep breath of air. I enjoy that. I don’t need any of the other religious type things they may add to it. I just don’t even go there. I have actually been to a Christian yoga class where they shared Scriptures as we did the movements, and it’s great, and the same with mindfulness. I’m referring a lot of people to do mindfulness and meditation.
David talks about meditating on those scriptures in the Bible. A lot of people get afraid of that because they’re adding stuff to it. I think Christians can reclaim this. Meditation is like deciding to breathe in and breathe out. To even be thankful for the breath that God gives you. Just think the Word in and out as you breathe. Or think of a scripture as you breathe in and out. That slowing down and being present is so good for us.
Gina:
That’s so good. I think the word that kept coming to mind when you were talking is stewardship. Like, how do we steward our souls and our spirit and our emotions? So that comes into play with choosing to take care of ourselves, but also choosing the way in which we do that. So you want to be careful what you bring in.
So if you’re going to go to a yoga class, be intentional about where they’re coming from, and what it is they’re gonna be talking about, and whether you are at a place in your walk with Jesus and yourself, that you can be in that environment. Or like you said, breathing. If you struggle wanting to figure out what to place your mind on, I have actually a link on my website to Soul Shepherding that I work with.
They have a whole collection of breath prayers that are designed for that, where I breathe in and out this Scripture. Breathe in, “Abba”, breathe out, “I belong to you.” Meditation is biblical. Meditating on the Lord, meditating on scripture, meditating on His presence, on His goodness, on whatever is pure and lovely.
I think those things can be hijacked by the world, in order to distract us. They can be dangerous if we don’t steward what is being influenced by. So it’s time to reclaim those things so that we can let the Lord meet us there.
Mary:
Yeah, and not have things that distract us from it.
Check out the first part of this conversation: Jesus and Art Therapy & Healing From Domestic Abuse
Check out the Dwell Meditations
