God gets personal in healing our pain. In this final installment of the conversation “When Church Hurts”, Loisa shares how God will meet with each of us uniquely, even in the midst of our pain and questions.
Click below to listen starting at 42:16 to follow along.
Gina:
Somewhat unrelated, but a demonstration of what we were talking about, is God speaking and His confirmation about things, and prophetic things. There’s a lot of prophetic here at Gateway and the gifts are at work. Someone in leadership came up to you and said that he was praying for you and had a word for you, but you didn’t understand it. And the day before, you were talking about how much you love math and you love formulas…
Tell that story, I love this…
Loisa:
I had just the day before taken my niece to breakfast, just the two of us, and we’re talking and she’s so cool, and it was so fun, but we were talking, I asked her what she’s loving in school right now, and she said math. And I was like, “Oh, we’re cut from the same cloth.” You know, that not everybody loves math, and that “geek-a-fys” you in a heartbeat. So I love math and I love formulas, and she hadn’t gotten to formulas yet in school. And I was like, “Oh, just wait till you start geometry, there are all these equations and formulas that are so cool.”
Well, the next day I was on worship teams, and Tim Shepherd, one of our pastors here and an amazing man, said the Lord had given him a word for me. He said, “I had to look it up because I’m not a math person, but the word was: l – x = xyz to the third power. And the minute he said it, I knew exactly what it meant.
That is how good God is. That is how custom, intimate, and personal God is. I mean, the faithfulness of God does not usually look like what I think it’s going to look like. The faithfulness of God comes, from when I dig down into my gut and soul and I pull out these shattered pieces and this like gooey tar substance and this stuff that no one would want, and I plop it on the table, and He says, “Oh yeah, I know exactly what to do with that.” That’s the faithfulness of God.
Sometimes it takes a painful amount of time. Sometimes, when you ask God for something, you don’t realize what all He’s going to take you through to get to that promise.
We just have been working on an instrumental album here at Gateway. The desire has been, to create these atmosphere songs that in personal quiet time, or during a group prayer time, that people would have a soundtrack to do that too. So we’re going to hopefully do a series of these atmosphere albums, but this one particular was focused on waiting.
The band that worked on it really leaned into prayer and into waiting on God, waiting on His voice, waiting on His promise, and each of the tracks digs into a different area of that. We also wrote a devotional to go with it. So there’s a devotional to go with each song. It has caused me to really dig into this waiting on the Lord.
I feel like, so much of when we question God, is when we’re in between the promise and the promised land And we know He spoke a promise, but we’re in this 40 years in the wilderness, and going, “What on earth is going on? What did I do wrong? What have I missed? Maybe He didn’t say it to begin with.” It starts to pull you apart a little bit and there’s a freedom and a release, and it doesn’t always take the pain away.
But when you realize “I’m not waiting for Him to start moving, he has been this whole time.” The Israelites wandering was with purpose, and it was not aimless. It looked aimless and it felt aimless, but there was a training going on that they didn’t even realize. So that they could stand in the promise, and so that they could manage the promise. God knew exactly what He was doing. He was not punishing or waiting for them. He was doing exactly what He knew needed to happen.
And yes, there are times when decisions we make change the course, and we have to take even longer to get there because we still have free will, but ultimately He’s getting us to the right place at the right time, as we surrender and let Him do it.
Gina:
Well, it’s like Jeremiah 29:11. We all know that we have that written everywhere. “I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord, to prosper you, not to harm you.” But we discard verses 1 through 10, which is that Israel is captive in Babylon. They have false prophets saying, “God’s going to deliver you any moment. Now he’s going to deliver us.” They are saying what everybody wants them to say and what they want to hear.
Then God says to Jeremiah, “No, you tell my people, you’re going to be in captivity and it’s going to be 70 years. I want you to plant vineyards, and I want you to live here. I want you to marry, your kids to marry and be given in marriage. And, as you prosper, the land will prosper, and I am going to deliver you, but it’s going to be a while, for I know the plans that I have for, you says the Lord… “
It’s that we don’t have patience for, or willingness to receive that period of waiting and that time in the desert. The enemy gets us so tied up in looking for the deliverance that we miss the provision that’s in that place. We miss how He’s sustaining. And if I’ve said this before in the podcast, I’ll say it again… We long for the land flowing with milk and honey, but the land flowing with milk and honey doesn’t have the miracles that the desert has.
It’s in the desert that the mana is coming from heaven, there’s a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day, and our clothes and shoes aren’t wearing out. It’s absolute dependence. And I can get so caught up wishing so much that I wasn’t here, and longing so much for anything but this, and then I’m missing what He’s doing.
You know, at 52 years old, walking with Jesus for 40 years, I still constantly have to pull my heart back to that place of “Lord, I’m sorry. I want to be present. I want to see you. I want to be with you.”
Loisa:
I mean, our spirits are designed for heaven, and so the tension of this place is real. Our spirits are made for intimate community with God. And we squandered that, not God, but He, how gracious and kind, to make a way back.
I think for me, again, going back to that first thing we talked about with that, “Like obviously I care more about these people than you do, Lord. Obviously, I would do a better job taking care of these people, whoever my select group of people might be at the time.” I think when I’ve been in that place, it’s a limited perspective. It comes from a very small and innocent perspective. I don’t think it’s shameful to feel that way.
I don’t think the Lord is angry about that. He knows where we are. He knows the perspective. That’s why He came, so He could know that perspective. You can’t think that way after you’ve played out what it would mean to do it in a different way. So like, “God, I want you to make all of these people happy.” You know? I love Bruce Almighty because it kind of gives a moment of that even though it’s like to an extreme.
But there’s really no way for God to do all we think he should do, and man to still have free will; and then He becomes the puppet master that everybody accuses Him of being anyway. You know that we don’t want Him to be that either. I think when you realize that, and when you play it out in your mind, if He did these things, what are the implications of that good. The truth is only God knows. He knows exactly.
If He gave that person that blessing that you want Him to give them, or that healing, even if that time only He knows the implications of that, only He knows what needs to be set up before He can do that. Putting God back where He belongs and stepping back from saying, “Obviously I know better.” Which none of us say. None of us actually would say those words, but you have to kind of think that in order to be mad at Him for not doing what you think He should do.
Let’s put Him back where He belongs, back on the throne, back on sovereignty, by just simply saying, “You know more than I do, how can I help you do what needs to be done? How can I be part of the solution? Here’s the stick in my hand; it’s all I have. Here’s the broken, gross stuff inside me; this is all I have. Can you use it?
You have a plan, You have a design, You’re going somewhere, and I want to go where You’re going. I don’t want you going where I’m going because I’m not even sure where that is anymore. So what can I do?” It’s hard, It’s an every-day surrender. it’s also really freeing.
Reflection and Prayer
Gina:
Before we move on, I want to take a moment. If you are in that place of hurt, maybe you have trauma, bitterness, offense, unforgiveness. Some of those words can come across as accusation, like you’ve done something wrong, when the reality is that something wrong was done to you or in front of you or around you. Those things aren’t justified, those things aren’t right. But those things also are not representative of God’s love for you, or the truth of His character, the depth of His love, the enormity of His kindness, and His capacity to bring healing and freedom.
Would you consider bringing those things to Him? He is the safest place to go with those things. The repercussions of carrying the weight of those hurts can seep into so many areas of our life, our spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health and wellbeing. Just take a moment to maybe begin the journey and receive the invitation to let Him into those places.
Father, in Jesus’ name, we come before You. Holy Spirit, would You reveal those areas of hurt, distrust, those areas of pain. Father, would You speak Your healing, Your love, Your presence over and through those moments of disappointment. Holy Spirit, would You bring healing?
Jesus, You died for us, for our brokenness. You redeem lost things. You make beauty for ashes. You open prison doors to those who are captive. You bring comfort for mourning. Lord, do what only You can do. We ask Father, would You speak Your love and Your presence, and bring hope and restoration in Jesus’ name. Amen.
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Check the rest of this conversation Is God Good in Our Suffering?, Forgiveness is the Way Forward, When Church Hurts
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