In this episode Gina has a conversation with Monty & Christa Kelso about navigating the often complex journey of mental health in the context of marriage and ministry. From our family of origin to the challenges of life’s circumstances, learning what healing looks like is a difficult process that requires trust and surrender in the midst of suffering.
Monty & Christa have learned to ride the waves, prioritize and fight for health and allow Jesus’ redemption to bring hope and healing to others through their lives and ministry.
Monty is the President and CEO of Slingshot Group, an organization that helps churches with staffing, coaching and succession. Christa is the founder of Be Free Indeed, a ministry that provides support and a safe place for those struggling with anxiety and depression.
Click below to listen starting at 38:31 to follow along.
Rooted in Christ
Gina:
We can play Christian all day long, and we can go through the motions and say, and do the right things. But when you’re in that darkest of dark places and you hear Him and see Him and He’s not doing what you want, but He is there. How does that transform your faith and your relationship with Jesus?
We’re not always rescued from the dark place, but He can be there with you. When you experience that, that changes you and changes your faith. What does that look like?
Christa:
What’s coming to my mind is that moment where I said in my spirit to my earthly father, “You just watch me.” Now I say to my Heavenly Father, “Watch me.” Because it’s Him. In fact, I have a tattoo on my shoulder and it’s a dove.
It’s the reminder to me that God, the Father, just as He gave Jesus and gave everyone the message, “This is My Son in Whom I’m well pleased.” He’s saying to me every day, “I’m so pleased with you. No matter how you feel. No matter anything. I’m right here. I’m pleased with you.”
Monty:
That’s the root of identity. And having an accurate identity of ourselves based on how God sees us and what God has provided for us, that’s the true condition. That’s the true identity. There’s many that want to rob that from us.
Once we have that kind of identity, we rise above our circumstances and it’s really more that position that allows us to keep going, keep having faith, staying positive and optimistic that something good is around the corner.
It’s not just fearing being depressed for a season. Even talking about this and making this the center of the conversation isn’t something you want to have to talk about. But it’s okay, because this doesn’t define who we are.
Christa:
It doesn’t define us as a couple either. We have passions. We love the people that we are called to. We always have been. When we met on our tour, we were always about other people. I think that is the nature of how God made us.
When I’m feeling good, I love that. When I’m not feeling good, I still love the fact that he’ll still do the fire pits and all of that stuff. I love that. Even though I’m not able to, at that point, I don’t feel guilty. I used to, it took me a long time to get over that.
Monty:
That would perpetuate the depression, the guilt and shame.
Christa:
It just makes me feel worse. The shame. Shame is one of the enemies top breeds. One of the things we say at G.L.U. (Gals Like Us) our small group at Be Free Indeed, we say, “Stop shouldn’t on yourself. We don’t do that here.” Because shame is a big deal.
In a marriage there’s expectations and there’s reality. Everything in between can be disappointment, anxiety, whatever you want to call it. I struggle with that, because I want to please Monty, and I want to be a good wife. I love to cook, that’s my creative space. Monty is the creative in the family. When you say “Y’all create this space.” It’s predominantly him. He’s very artistic.
But cooking is a big part of hospitality. I do enjoy doing that. I’m kind of getting to where I’ve worked through the grief and disappointment in myself when I’m not able to do that, but it’s okay he’ll go to Costco and get stuff.
Gina:
Even that isn’t your identity. You can get wrapped up in, “If I can’t do that, then I don’t have worth in this space or I don’t have worth in this marriage or I don’t have worth in the church.” Or whatever the case may be. Identity is about surrendering all of it, whether it’s a negative thing or whether we think it’s a positive thing. Actually just being a son or a daughter and actually being okay with that.
Christa:
Surrender is the word that you said. That’s another thing that I think we forget in the Western church is that surrender is such a beautiful thing. It takes the pressure off. Because if we surrender, then we can really hear the voice of the Holy Spirit saying, “Only do and say what the Father says.” Don’t try to perform your way into anything. Listen.
Gina:
It’s about dependence. It forces us into a place of dependence, which is really where we need to start. And it also positions us to receive. And that’s not an easy thing to do. Honestly what you have to give in those spaces is different, because what you walk through as well. You guys have a lot of people you’ve poured into. You are about people. You do create safe spaces.
Monte, you’re a champion of people. I’ve seen very few people champion the way you do. Let’s talk about that, because that is such a part of the things He’s knit you together to be. And it is both of you, even if Christa, you feel like you can’t or you feel like he creates the spaces. It is the two of you.
One of the things that is so significant to me, is your depth of partnership and marriage. You alluded to it even in health and healing. God knew that Christa needed a partner for her to walk through this, but you also can’t stand where you are and do what He’s called you to do without Christa standing next to you, because you both are called to that place.
What is it that God has called you guys to do? What does that look like? I see you on Instagram, you guys and your amazing fire pit. God’s doing crazy cool things in and through both of you.
Monty:
I like this topic. We were talking about surrender and freedom. We’re now into our sixties and there’s gotta be some benefits to living a lot of life. There’s part of the benefit I’m seeing right now is the freedom not to produce. The ability to just be. The heightened awareness then, of what God is doing, rather than what am I trying to manufacture.
When I look back at the height of my ministry career, to do two or three jobs was normal. Leading Coast Hills, involvement with Maranatha Music, starting a worship institute, at the same time while we had little kids.That was so normal to me, because I was a producer and probably a striver. I don’t think it was to try to gain someone’s approval or accolades. I was just wired that way.
But now I’m embracing this new freedom to not have to be producing or striving. It was really cool. One of the worship mentor gatherings in New Jersey, we had Brennan Manning come. Brennan Mann was in his last days. One of the questions Stan might have asked Brennan was, “What’s the biggest threat to modern day Christianity?” And he thought for a minute and he said one word “Ambition”.
That really stuck with us. I realized too that being productive is a great thing. “Look at you, you’re productive. You’re moving the needle for the kingdom, because of your productivity.” There’s such a thing as healthy ambition, but there’s a disease we have where productivity defines us.
We find our worth “good” through what we produce. That’s just wrong. For me, I’m entering into a season where I’m not down in the weeds of leading Slingshot as much. With the Pandemic that kind of shut the world down. Travel ceased. I had to come to terms with just being, and being content with lack of productivity.
Because I have a sincere identity that’s rooted in how God sees me and what scripture teaches me, I’m really okay with that. In this season where I don’t feel like I need to be productive, I am more available than ever to respond to people. I find a lot of joy pouring into people even here in Nashville, people I’ve known for years, many of them in worship or the music industry, they’re hungry for mentors.
They’re really hungry for people that have gone ahead of them. With more time and less travel, I’m really able to pour into people, but I don’t have to go seek them out. I have relationships and those relationships come to me. Being available to just encourage, champion, mentor, and sometimes confront if necessary, that’s what I get to do and that’s very fulfilling to me.
Those are things that aren’t measurable accomplishments. It’s not like producing an event or leading worship for a gathering, or writing a book. It’s just little by little investing in people.
Gina:
You work with Slingshot now you help staff churches all across America. Lot of the Western evangelical church is built on ambition, being the next biggest, greatest, growing numbers, how many people in your Bible studies you pastor, have written a book? Are they a strategic leader? Are they all this stuff? How can we reconcile?
I would argue that the Pandemic was God resetting the church, and has been resetting all these kingdoms we’ve built, and our programs and our things. God’s going, “Okay, We’re going to tear down that altar and We’re going to unearth this idol you kind of hit under your bed over here. We’re going to do a grand reset.”
How do we reconcile the two? How do we, as the church, move forward? How do we reset? Is that something that can only happen when you’re 60 and you can reflect and finally receive? Or is that something that we can mentor this next generation that is going to be leading in a time that is unprecedented in the history of the church?
Monty:
I think part of the “reset”, in some ways, is the silver lining to the church, is people resetting what gathering looks like, what community looks like. What I’m sensing and hearing out there in the church landscape is a deep need for people to be together in true community. We’re hearing a lot about discipleship now, that’s the new buzzword again.
Right back from the seventies and eighties, but rooted in that is, not a program to take someone through a linear process for maturity and discipleship, but relationships that are real and deep, authentic, and honest and natural. I think that’s the opportunity we have going forward as a church.
How does that work with ambition? I think Gen Z and even the millennials are suspicious of leaders who are ambitious and who are trying to build their platform, rather than step off the platform and just be with them. Be with them and walk with them. That’s an opportunity we have as leaders in this reset that I think we’re going into in the church.
That’s the ripple effect, that has a lot to do with staffing structure, the kinds of people we’re looking for. If we get to the root of our identity and find in that Godly character, that’s a recipe for great things to happen. Especially in the context of community.
Bottom line, it’s getting real with each other, whether we’re talking about mental health or addiction or wounds that are from the past. If churches can’t be the place to reconcile those things, it’s too bad. Because the church is the hope of the world. That’s where we find Jesus. So many times we focus on these external things that aren’t at the root of why we exist as a church.
Gina:
Well, thank you guys for sharing. Thank you for who you are and for standing where you’re standing and for leaning in and living what you believe and being a light to a generation of leaders that need people who will stand in that place with truth, authenticity, honesty, vulnerability, and not pretend to have it all together, but be honest when you don’t.
Monty:
I’m glad you mentioned the vulnerability part of it. Vulnerability is a part of that recipe, because that’s the way we can connect, is when we do get vulnerable.
Gina:
With God and with each other and trusting and believing that He is a safe place. Then being that for one another. It’s powerful. That’s where miracles can happen. God bless you guys and your fire pit church services and all that God does in, through you. It’s significant.
I am excited for the book that’s coming. I’ll be praying for you, Christa, that God is going to use that in profound ways. I know He already has been using Be Free Indeed. He is going to continue to do so. God bless you guys! Look forward to seeing the things He has in front of you.
Monty is the President and CEO of Slingshot Group.
Christa is the founder of Be Free Indeed.
Check the rest of this conversation Mental Health, Marriage & Ministry, Vulnerable Leadership
Check out the Dwell Meditations
