In this episode, Gina has a conversation with Mary Felch MFT, Expressive Art Therapy
and Life Coach. Mary talks about Jesus, Psychology, and self care. Mary shares her story of healing from domestic abuse, and gives her perspective on the rise of anxiety & depression in this season.
Check out Mary Felch’s Website Maryfelch.com
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Listen below starting at 31:54
The Power of Art Therapy
Gina:
So you are also an artist and you do art therapy. Years ago, at the church that we were both at, the women’s ministry did a women’s retreat and invited you to do an art therapy. You did an expressive art workshop, and a guy helped you with that. Around 40 women showed up, it was pretty big.
What was funny is they didn’t know what they were coming into. They were kind of like, “Okay, what is this?” And I’ll just set the stage: There are tables around, and everyone had a couple of pieces of paper and a small canvas.
You go through this process of – first, you fold the piece of paper into four, and then you have people close their eyes and take a deep breath in. Ten you say a word or you know, Jesus or God or love or something, you have them pick one color and make a mark.
You’re training them to associate color with emotion, and to associate color with something. Then once you go through that exercise, you would maybe take a scripture or a prayer, and you would have people close their eyes. You would read a certain thing and then you would say, “Okay, now take two colors and in the top left hand corner just paint what you’re feeling.”
I love these because there aren’t any actual paint brushes, you have sponges. You did everything you could to put people at ease, that you don’t have to be an artist to do this. But the thing I loved about it was watching these women who first came in with their body language, you could just tell at first they were a little stiff, a little not sure.
Then 30 minutes in, their shoes are off, their legs are crossed, and it’s like all of a sudden the little kids in them would kind of come out. They are playing, and they are expressing, and some of them are probably putting expression to things they have been feeling or sensing or dealing with for a long time.
By the end, they’re standing in a circle, sharing their little painting, with a crazy revelation of God’s grace. Tears are streaming down their face, recognizing hurt or healing, or whatever the case may be. There’s something really profound about creativity and art.
Mary:
Yeah. I really love leading those workshops, and I love helping people learn to pray through color. So, like we were talking about breath prayers, I’ve done that associated with using colors of paint to paint your prayer.
In a way it’s like you’re pouring your heart out to the Lord and it’s just something that you feel or experience, it’s more experiential. Then afterwards, as you look at it, you have more awareness as to what you were really trying to share with the Lord and what you sensed His presence was sharing with you.
Gina:
It’s so good. I was at a worship network retreat several years ago in Laguna, and Ian Kron, who is an author and an Episcopalian priest. He has a bunch of podcasts on the enneagram. Anyhow, he was speaking and he used a quote, and I don’t know if it was his quote or someone else’s, but he said, “Art has the ability to bring truth in sideways.”
Mary:
Oh, I love that.
Gina:
I love that because it’s like, you can have somebody standing in a room talking to you, but art, looking at a piece of art or hearing a piece of music suddenly brings truth in, in a way that you can’t receive it any other way. I would say even, expressions can go the other direction, which means you can express stuff through art and creativity in ways that sometimes you can’t put voice to.
Mary:
Yes. For many years I’ve done expressive art therapy in groups for those healing from sexual abuse and rape. I found that when people get stuck and they don’t know how to tell their story, we would give them paint and a large paper or something to express it on. I told them just to tell their story through color and then gather in a safe circle and have them share about their painting. It was so amazing.
People who had never told anyone could finally talk about it. It was a bridge to find the language. What’s interesting is that different parts of the brain do that. So when one part is stuck, we use the other part, which then opens it up and it’s been amazing.
Being Real With God
Gina:
That is so good! I would actually love to ask you a question, and we can not go there if you don’t want to go there. So you just shared about rape victims and sexual assault victims and those are heavy circumstances. You shared your upbringing with heavy, dark, hard circumstances.
How did you process that? What does that journey look like? Or how do you reconcile your relationship with God who didn’t protect you? Or didn’t protect these women? How do you process that and how do you let the Lord meet you there? I mean, those are big questions. Those are hard questions. Those are questions I’ve wrestled with.
I feel like in my testimony where I grew up in some not great circumstances, part of what I always thought was a part of my testimony was that God protected me where I was in circumstances where stuff should have happened to me, but it didn’t.
So when I was faced with people I’m very close to, who things happened to them that shouldn’t have happened. That should have happened to me, but it didn’t. But it happened to this person who I love, who for all intents and purposes it shouldn’t have.
So I’m curious how the Lord’s met you there, how you’ve really reconciled some healing. Because we’ve talked about relationship, we’ve talked about safety, we’ve talked about all those barriers we put up with other people, but the same goes with God, right?
Mary:
Yeah. Trusting God.
Gina:
Trusting God. So how did you do that?
Mary:
Well, that was a real journey. As long as I was trying to hide the fact that I was angry with God, I stayed stuck in my anger. I was very blessed to have a neat Christian female therapist where I could begin to unpack all of this. She made it safe for me to be mad at God, and as mad as I needed to be.
And she just kept telling me, “He’s big enough, He can take it.” Oh, that helped me so much. I could journal horrible things in my journal at God. I could still come back each week to my therapist and it was okay. God didn’t run from me. And in that I vented it all out. So that really helped. I read a lot of books too.
I began to think, it’s not just me that horrible things have happened. How does God let bad things happen to good people? How can bad things happen to babies? It’s so unfair and I understand there’s sin in the world and all of that, but I also think there’s no answer that’s going to be good enough for me to go, “Oh, that makes sense.”
I do think God is a mystery, and He’s beyond my ability to comprehend. I have come to trust that. I don’t have to fully understand, I do believe God cried when things happened to me. I think He cries when it happens to other people. So I know God’s heart is for me. That’s what I need to know.
So that helps me, and eventually I was able to make peace with not knowing. You can’t really tell that to somebody. They kind of have to have their own journey to get there. But I do think that the pathway there was being able to share my anger with God, and with another person who could also take it instead of pretending.
Gina:
I think that probably one of the grandest lies that we can fall into is not believing that He can take it, and not believing that He is the safest place to take it.
Mary:
Like, he doesn’t already know.
Gina:
Right. It’s so interesting. I just actually did another interview today, and we were talking about a book that Bill and Christie Gallier have written, a book called “Journey of the Soul, A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Health” and they have written something that I think is going to be very catalytic for the church.
They’ve identified stages of faith, and kind of the invitation in each one, and the roadblock at each one, and how not recognizing the stage of faith that I’m in can do a lot of judgment of myself, because I think, “Why am I not where these people are over here?”
I could have a lot of shame and hiding, or I could start judging everyone else. “Well, why aren’t you here, you should be over here. What’s wrong with you?” There’s just something really powerful about it, but that safety and knowing God could take it is really important.
In the last few weeks, I’ve been just praying a lot a verse out of 2 Chronicles 7:14, “If my people are called by my name will humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their sin, I will hear from heaven, I will forgive their sin, I will heal their land.”
For some reason it struck me that God says, “If MY people who are called by MY name.” We kind of breeze by that. But what struck me is He’s saying this to Israel when they’re far away from Him and they are still called by His name.
You know the prodigal son, he went away in anger, discussed arrogance, took his inheritance, squandered it all, came back in shame, but he was still a son. The son wanted to come and just work in the kitchen, but the Father came and put His robe and His ring on him, and escorted him to the head of the table.
What I’ve said several times on the podcast is that his ability to sit at the head of the table was entirely based on his understanding of the motive of his father. Being seated there could be a humiliating place, or it could be a place of absolute love and acceptance. I think that’s another area where the enemy is just laughing all the way to the bank.
When he can pull us away and isolate us and convince us that God’s just waiting to punish you or waiting to tell you what you did wrong, or waiting to say, “Well, yeah, sorry you weren’t worth saving.” Or whatever the case may be. God can take every dark, ugly, thing that we have to say, and He can meet us right there.
Mary:
There’s a saying I got in my head, I don’t know if I made it up or someone else did. “You have to be where you are — to get where you’re going.” I really believe that. I had to be in my anger in order to move beyond my anger. I see that with a lot of my clients and a lot of people. I love setting Christians free to have their feelings. I love helping to set them like, “It’s okay, you can have your feelings. You have them anyway, you’re just burying them, but they’re still there.”
Gina:
Yeah. There is so much less damage if you let them out. What’s the worst that could happen?
You Are Not Alone
Gina:
So Mary, what would you say to somebody who might be listening, who might just be in that place of isolation? Maybe they’re on their journey.
We’re all on our journey, right I’ve shared and you’ve shared too, we’re older and the Lord still brings us to those places of more layers of the onion, and more things that we think we’ve resolved. Then He’s like, “Okay, it’s time. Let’s get a little deeper.” But that’s His intimate intentionality and love for us that He doesn’t take us somewhere we’re not ready to go yet.
So there’s so much grace and patience for where we are in our journey. I think too, not only can God take our anger, he can also take whatever pace we’re able to step on that road. But what would you say to someone who’s in a place with their healing, and they’re struggling to find safety either with God or someone else. Like what things would you offer for encouragement?
Mary:
Well, when we feel alone, we often think that we are alone, and that no one sees us or hears us. So I just want to blow a hole in that, and like God does see you and He does hear you. He is working.
So I encourage you to talk to Him, and also look for the opportunities He puts in your path to have other people in your life who are also safe and will help you feel connected, and connected to God. These things are important. He will put people in your path. He will give you opportunities.
Gina:
Yeah, and I would say, have grace for yourself.
Mary:
Speak to yourself as kindly as you would to a friend.
Gina:
Thank you Mary.
Mary:
Thanks Gina.
Gina:
Appreciate you a lot. God bless you and your ministry and the things that you’re doing. When your book is done you are going to need to come back, and we’ll talk about that.
Before we go, I just want to give you an opportunity. We covered a lot of bases in this conversation. Maybe you can relate to Mary’s story. Maybe your home growing up was not a safe place, and trust was violated and safety was violated. If that’s you, wherever you are in your journey, I just want to encourage you that you’re not alone. There is healing and redemption that Jesus sees every tear, He’s heard every prayer and every cry.
Maybe you are someone who has never dealt with anxiety or depression before, and in the last several months you find yourself overwhelmed. God’s with you. You’re not alone. And maybe in either of those circumstances or something else completely, you have a lot of anger towards God, towards hurt and pain and those that have caused it, you’re not alone.
God can take all of it. He is the safest place to bring all of those things to. So Father, in Jesus’ name we pray. Holy Spirit, come. Lord, would you envelop your sons and your daughters in your peace right now and your tangible presence? Would they know that you are there, that you are for them, that you’re in front, behind, above, below and on either side?
Lord, we take authority over the lies of the enemy. In Jesus’ name, we silence shame. In Jesus name, I silence accusation and self hatred, all of the things that come against us when the enemy isolates us and whispers in our ears.
Father, would you let the light of your love, truth, your presence, and your voice, pierce through the darkness and bring wholeness and healing? Then give us strength and hope in the waiting. Lord, I thank you that You’re faithful, that You’re true to Your Word, that You finish what You start. We love you Lord. We pray all this in your name. Amen.
Check out the first part of this conversation: Healing From Domestic Abuse & Jesus and Psychology
Check out the Dwell Meditations
